Last Sunday and today, our readings have focused on the meaning of love. Last week, Jesus taught that the love of God and the love of our neighbor are the most important commandments. Jesus said, “The whole law and the prophets depend on these two commandments.”

Today’s readings also revolve around the theme of love. But at first glance, that may seem paradoxical. The first reading from Malachi doesn’t sound very loving when he sternly addresses the faithless priests of Israel, telling them, “I, the Lord, have made you contemptible and base before all the people because you do not keep my ways” (Malachi 2:9).

Likewise, in our Gospel reading, Jesus criticizes the Pharisees when he says, “They preach but do not practice. They tie up heavy burdens that are hard to carry and lay them on people’s shoulders, but they will not lift a finger to move them” (Matthew 23:2). Calling someone a hypocrite might not seem like a loving statement.

However, both passages ultimately speak about love – God’s love. But before we delve into God’s love, let’s talk about chores.

When I was growing up, we all had specific chores to do simply because we were part of a family. We took turns doing the dishes, sweeping the kitchen floor, cleaning our rooms, and walking the dog. Our parents were teaching us that being a family means performing tasks that strengthen the family as a whole. Fulfilling our responsibilities was one way we expressed our love and valued our family.

Of course, when I entered the workforce, things changed. I was paid for each bushel of apples I picked or every hour I worked as a cashier. This early experience shaped my perspective. I worked, and I expected to be paid. Others worked, and they were paid too. It was a world based on transactions, a society built on quid pro quo, tit-for-tat.

It wasn’t until I got married that I began to unlearn this mentality. It was a learning experience for both of us as our relationship matured, and we ourselves matured. A mature relationship doesn’t keep track of transactions. You don’t tally up who did what and demand equality. You both benefit from a clean home and good meals. With a shared bank account, it doesn’t matter who writes the check. The relationship itself is valuable to both partners. It’s not about trading; it’s about a relational connection. That’s how Pam and I learned to become a family.

At baptism, each of us became a member of Jesus’s family, with God as our Father. Our life of faith can be seen as learning how to become a part of that family.

Let’s apply this perspective to the admonitions from Malachi to the priests of Israel and Jesus to the Pharisees.

Both Malachi and Jesus express their disappointment with the leaders of Israel who treated their relationship with God as transactional. The priests and Pharisees implied that if you work hard to obey the rules, God will reward you – a very transactional perspective. It’s as if the Pharisees said, “Look at us! We know all the rules and follow them diligently, so we deserve ‘places of honor at banquets, seats of honor in synagogues,’ and greetings in marketplaces. If you want to be like us, then make sure you don’t violate the Sabbath in any of these 39 ways. If you want God’s blessings, learn all the rules and adhere to our interpretations of them.”

They practiced a transactional form of worship and influenced the people to do the same. Obey God’s commands, and then the Lord your God will bless you. We recognize this transactional thinking because our society conditions us to think this way. 

Jesus came to change the script. He established the Church as a familial bond between us and God, as well as with each other. As family members of Jesus, he instructs us to address the First Person of the Trinity as “Father” and reveals himself as the “Son.” From the Cross, he entrusts us with his mother, Mary, to be our mother. We are called adopted sons and daughters and referred to as brothers and sisters. Both the Old Testament and New Testament liken the relationship between humanity and God to a marriage.

It’s easy to fall back into a transactional relationship with God because we also have rules. Just as my parents had rules about our chores, the Catholic Church has rules to help us internalize and transform them into expressions of love, not just obligations. As mature Catholics, we should strive to follow the Church’s practices, some of which have been in place since the time of the apostles, not out of duty but out of love.

A mature marriage and a mature faith are rooted in love, not obligation, and God is the source of all love. A mature faith yields relational, not transactional, prayer. If our faith mainly consists of duty or bargaining, we are off track because salvation is a gift, not a duty. It is free and cannot be bought.

In the words of Pope Francis: “In this way, Christian life becomes beautiful when it is founded not on our abilities and plans, but on God’s gaze. Is your faith weary and in need of reinvigoration? Seek God’s gaze: spend time in adoration, seek forgiveness in Confession, stand before the Crucified One. In short, allow yourself to be loved by Him.”