The “light” and “darkness” interplay in John 3:14-21 caught my attention. These two themes may have stood out because this Gospel reading is relatively short and the words “light” and “darkness” literally come up, or maybe it was because I was listening to the soundtrack from a romance movie about “fallen angels” while writing this reflection. Who knows? Regardless, what first came to my mind when I started to reflect on these readings was the question of what comes next for us when we die in relation to the choice to believe or not believe. “Light” and “darkness,” serve as poignant reminders of these larger existential questions around the ultimate fate that awaits us in the afterlife. 

For many Christian churches, you have to accept Jesus Christ as your savior and you are saved. Saying yes to Jesus once and then spending your afterlife in the light, that seems so… convenient? The Catholic Churchs asks more of us. Before we are saved, we have all the Sacraments to consider and the presence of sin is real. We are constantly being called to reflect, reevaluate and reestablish our direction to align with Christ’s path. Only once we have realigned ourselves for the millionth time to Christ’s path, might we be allowed to enjoy an afterlife in God’s presence?

I never really considered an afterlife until I became a Catholic in college. Before then, I just assumed I would die, decompose, become part of the earth and that would be it. There was no soul to consider. To me the latter seems quite peaceful, though perhaps a little lazy. But now, oh boy, I have the light, the darkness, and eternity with or without God to consider. It is heavy stuff.

And yet the fourth Sunday of Lent is supposed to be a joyous occasion! One of my friends marks the fourth Sunday of Lent as Pepto Bismol Day because we mark this day with the rosy-pink vestments. Easter is just in sight – we get a little glimpse of what is to come. We read the parallel between Moses lifting up the serpent to save the Israelites from death and Jesus being lifted up to offer salvation. It is quite the testament to the transformative power of belief and salvation. 

So now here we are – eternal life is just at our fingertips, if you choose to believe and follow in Jesus’s footsteps. This is where I find it challenging to experience “joy” when this exact reading spells out one of the things about my faith that brings me the most grief. I grapple with the teaching that “everyone who believes in him might not perish but might have eternal life.” “Whoever does not believe has already been condemned, because he has not believed in the name of the only Son of God.” 

I made the choice as an adult, or however much of an adult an 18 year-old can be, to become a Catholic and take on all that is asked of me. But most of my family is not Catholic anymore. Many of them have quite a bit to say about Christianity, let alone the Catholic Church. How do I grapple with this reality that is so clearly written in John 3:14-21? In all of this rich imagery of “light” and “darkness,” where will my non-believing family be in the afterlife? 

I guess I understand that it is joyous that we all, each and every one of us, have the opportunity for salvation. And of course, who is to say who is saved and who isn’t? In focusing on the light and the dark, I find myself in a darker mood because of what this reading means for nonbelievers. So Pepto Bismol vestment day or not, I know I will be a little sad at the reminder that there might be some who do not get to enjoy the light.