I’m in a field, and a hundred yards ahead of me is my goal. It’s shiny and I want it. It will make me happy. It will fill that hole inside me. So I start running as fast as I can towards it.

But then I hear it. A distant call, growing louder. On the other side of the field is something even shinier and I want that too. Now that will truly make me happy. Surely it will fill that hole inside me. So I start running as fast as I can towards it.

But wait, did you hear that? Over there, on the left. I can see it. It’s so shiny and I want it. I know in my heart that it will definitely make me happy. It has to fill that hole inside of me. So I start running as fast as I can towards it.

STOP! Look over there! I run faster. No, this way. I run faster. Turn right and pick up the pace! I run faster.

Like a fever-crazed beast running wild, I chase after everything and anything with a reckless desperation. Having spent so long longing, I finally have it, and suddenly, I’m terrified to lose it. So I have to work harder.

I need to make more money. How will we ever afford a house?

I have to get tenure. How else can we get health insurance?

I have to make their sacrifices worth it. How could I not be the best with everything I’ve been given?

No excuses. Dig deeper. Run faster. Do better. They need you, all of them, the screaming, the crying, the suffering. It is overwhelming, too much. I have to run faster, run harder, push push push push push push push push push push push push push push push push push push push push push push push push push. Can’t stop.

And then she enters my storm, ‘best of wives and best of women,’ and takes my hand. I can feel her love, that warmth, an easing, like chilly hands wrapped ’round a cup of tea.

I know you’re busy, but have you prayed lately?

The weight just moved from my back to my throat; now it’s on my chest. I can’t breathe.

No. I don’t even have time for Him, I say while tapping my forehead with my four-colored pen.

She grips my hand tighter and doesn’t blink.

Maybe you could go to adoration for a bit?

And then, just like that, a break in the bombard. A clear moment. Finally, a clear moment. My feet stand still for the first time since I don’t know when.

Sweetheart, can I have 30 minutes to write something for the blog? I need to find my way to the manger. . . .

***

He is here. The baby IS born. And I almost missed it. But by the Grace of that loving Creator, whose might moved her hand towards mine, I felt a call, an invitation.

***

From my family to yours, we wish you all a very Merry Christmas. We hope you find your way to the manger this holiday season!